Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Guess what I have?

I have a lump. In my right breast. And blogging about it is a heck of a lot cheaper than therapy...

And too--this is my hope, with this blog entry. I know that someone, somewhere, probably has a lump too--and you're afraid to check it out. You'd rather not know the answer...and believe me when I say, I do understand that fear. I often feel like an old wooden marionette that's been repaired and pinned together with duct tape and rubber bands... And there's always something new....always. But back to you:

Please get your lump checked. If I can, you can too--and I'll bet you "all the mommy in world" that I have worse luck than you do, in the field of medicine!--you're going to be fine. :)

I've known about Ms. Lump (as we'll call her) for a while--I wanted to enjoy and celebrate Maggie's 5th Birthday before I checked it out....and too, lumps change, throughout the month. So tomorrow, I take Ms. Lump & Mrs. Boob in, to a new doc., and we'll see what's what. And I must say--the receptionurse was SO nice...but is she always nice? Or is it just because I said it: lump, when I made the appointment...maybe it was because my voice broke just a little bit, there at the end?

receptionurse: And what do we need to see you for?
me: I have a....lump. A lump in my right breast.

No one ever wants to say "lump" out loud. Never made my list of things to do, that's for darn certain...but, ah! My list of things to do...

I found the lump via. self-examination (aren't I responsible?!) It was late...I found Ms. Lump...I went to bed (Joe was already asleep)--I turned on my reading lamp, opened my excellent book, and laid it over my breasts. Like a shield. It was so late--and Joe had to work so early--and I really, really, tried to let him sleep. But I couldn't. I turned to him and whispered:

I have a lump.

And then...I just laid there. And I thought of everything I haven't done--every memory I haven't made yet. Blessings, reunions, celebrations... I'm sure there's a song out there, somewhere in the world, that will be one of my favorite songs. I haven't heard it yet. I know there's an author I will adore that I haven't found yet--I think there's a pale grey dress, with a silk rose and matching cloche...it's beautiful. I haven't bought it yet, let alone worn it. There's a beach somewhere--and an ocean that curls over it, embraces it...I haven't walked along it yet. I haven't curled my toes into the sand or gathered sea glass and sea shells to give to my girls. And my girls! I'll have to stop there...

Am I over-reacting? Probably. But at least I'm consistent. And honest. Tell me you haven't thought every one of those thoughts--personal to your life--when you found your Ms. Lump. I know that you did. It's just that I'm brave enough to write it down, to say it out loud. Because if there's anything left that I believe in--it's the power of honest words. Especially if they float a little courage your way.

Make the call--


Carolee said...

Just saw this posted on FB, and want to say first, that I'm sending up prayers this turns out to be nothing. And second, how amazing it is that you're blogging about this in the hope that it may encourage another woman to get checked.

Having a scare myself last summer, and feeling too paralyzed to even tell my closest friends, I know the courage it takes to put yourself out there like this.

Bless you for encouraging other women to get checked, and please God, let this be, as it was with me, just a scare.

~ Carolee

Jo James said...

You're a good writer, Nutmeg. Thanks for sharing this.

So glad you're getting Mrs. Boob checked out. I've had a few scares, but it's (knock on wood) always turned out OK.
The good news is, you probably have too many chemicals running through your little body for anything bad to grow in there.
Keep us updated.
Big Mama Bear hugs!

Dixie Sargent Redmond said...

Meg - I've had/have lumps, too. It can be just a lump and that's it. Lumps can come along with chronic autoimmune disorders. I understand so much where thoughts can go, though, and I'm so glad you are getting this checked out. It's always good to know what you're dealing with.

katie said...

First of all don't panic. There are many causes. I have walked this path, so I will be following you.
You will be in my prayers.

katie paxton

Designs By CK said...

Hi Nutmeg ~ So sorry to hear about this BUT like Carolee said, it took a lot of courage to post this on your blog!

Wishing you well and keep us posted!

Take Care,

Kipik said...

Oh! hmmm ...don't worry too much! You have to go by wether or not it's small, and changing shappe and if there is a history and if you are eating good. If yay,no,no,yay, then check it for sure but it's very likely not serious. I have had lumps all my life, at first I had them removed, then just checked, now I just let it be and eat good and take good care of myself. cooking from scratch with pure ingredients. lots of dark greens... all that... (but don't take that as an advice not to check, if it's the 1st one, indeed do!) all the very best of luck! hugs!